HAve you ever thought...

Im feeling more and more like Alice in wonderland these days...you know just after she falls down the seemingly endless rabbit hole. You know that part, where she hits rock bottom and is in pain and disoriented... yeah thats me these days... I have way of navigating through this forest I call my life these days... I have no life map no fancy shmancy navigationalsystem... not even a white rabbit! These are foreign place I wander through. My travels here anr not unchartered by any means they are just very unfamiliar to me! I never this needs repeating never thought I would be here. A Woman a Daughter a sister dealing with a broken family... We have ALWYS been disfunctional but these days thats normal who dosnt have their hardships, their secrets? But to be broken the way we are now... It's the hardest. Im not in the day to day mix anymore but that seems to be the building blocks for my guilt. I wonder am I around enough?? Do I do enough? Was I nice enough? Am I around enough? Do I listen well enough?? I may never know. I do know taht this is all hard but it's not just hard on me... It's hard on all of us. We the children that is know it was not us that caused this rift in our parents marrige but that dosnt mute the pain we have for them or dare I say the selfish pain we have about not being whole. But does whole mean better??? If they are un happy is it our right to deppand they stay together for our sakes despite their unhappiness? Dont they deserve a life one full of joy and happyness? Im dont have any answers yet I just wantted to let some of this out... So as for now good ite bloggers of the world.